Stories and Wills

Whether you’re a writer or not, everyone knows the world is full of stories. Everywhere you turn there’s a story. Every conversation you have is a story. Each thing that happens as you walk through your day is a story.

Some take those stories, embellish them, and write a book. Some add a few words and create amazing short stories or poems or songs.

And some stories are found in old high school wills.

Way back in 1978 when I graduated from high school, we were asked to write a will for our senior newspaper. They were to be symbolic of our leaving school and moving into ‘adult’ life.

Mom and Lisa 1978

Senior mother-daughter tea

Recently, I came across that collection. High school was difficult for me in a lot of ways and I didn’t know the majority of the kids. I had my small group of wonderful friends, but outside that group, I spent most of my time off in story world. But I thought it would be fun to read this collection after so many years. I couldn’t remember what I had written. Would it be wise and profound? Would it be something where I would see the seeds of a writer?

As you can imagine, a lot of these were the typical sort, where a guy wills to freshmen his secret spot for smoking pot, or the best route to skip class. But what amazed me was that several were stories. In a sentence or two, I could see the story, hear the writer’s voice, and feel the emotion behind their words.

One girl, who had obviously struggled in her bookkeeping class, willed to her teacher all 3,013 unbalanced worksheets. The story? I know of this woman and she is a finance person for a city.

From a girl to a guy: two musty tolo tickets and a wilted boutonniere. For those who don’t know, a tolo was a dance where the girl asked a guy, something not normally acceptable for ‘ladies’ to do back then. So what’s the story? Was the dance so wonderful she kept the souvenirs? Did he stand her up and not show? Is there anger or bitterness in those words, or humor, or sweet memories?

One guy willed to another guy in the same class better luck next year ‘cuz he will probably be back.

A guy to a girl: enough diamonds to last a lifetime. Sweet, but did those diamonds last a lifetime? Are they still together? Has he realized that she is shallow and has spent all their money on diamonds? Is she furious because he’s bankrupted them over the years, buying diamonds they can’t afford? Do they sit with gray hair, holding hands and seeing that single small diamond on her finger?

One guy willed his coach a lifetime membership in the National Sadist Club. That made me laugh. And probably any kid who has suffered through a physical education class will laugh, too.

One guy willed a girl my bad reputation ‘cause I’m not worth it. Ah! I see a bad boy and a bookworm! I’m convinced they eventually got together and lived happily ever after.

And then there were these. Read and hear the stories.

A smile to anyone who thinks life isn’t worth living.

The borrowed time I’m living on.

To my brother, the sense to come down to earth.

The best of luck coping with the world.

The ability to lose weight and drop a boyfriend.

For a bunch of eighteen-year-olds, some of these are almost profound.

And what about the will I wrote, you ask?

Three cases of yogurt, to one of my best friends.

Yep. No seeds of a future writer there. Nothing profound. And I have absolutely no idea what that was about. I’m going to call her and ask though, because after all these years we’re still best friends, and I’m sure she’ll remember the story.

19th birthday 1979

19th birthday. Loved that dress; hated the hair.

Ode to a Cat, a Dog, and a Mouse

Each morning I stumble to the bathroom followed by both dogs. They collapse on the bath mats and wait. Then they follow me to the bedroom. Then they follow me to the kitchen. I think there are two reasons for what my husband calls ‘the wagon train’.

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Arwen and Vala

One, they are bored out of their little brains and are waiting for something interesting to happen.

Or, two, they are terrified I’ll forget their breakfast and so they hover in order to remind me of their starving presence.

Either way, something interesting happened the other morning.

When the wagon train entered the bathroom, both dogs immediately woke up and zeroed in on the toilet plunger in the corner. There was a…stick poking out behind it.

We live in the woods. Finding sticks in the house isn’t uncommon. But this one moved.

Whether it was a young rat or a fat mouse, I don’t know. I didn’t look that close. I’m going to call the poor thing a mouse.

Some of you remember hearing about the tiny four-week-old kitten my husband rescued from the pouring rain. She’s grown up.

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Rocinante (Roci for short)

She brought in a toy.

I went to the living room where my husband was enjoying his coffee, minus the wagon train, and demanded that his cat come back and finish the job.

When I turned around, our old dog Arwen was coming down the hall, tail up and full of pride, with a…stick poking out of her mouth.

My husband yelled ‘drop it!’ before I could yell ‘take that outside!’.

That poor mouse. It ended up hucked over the neighbor’s fence.

A little later the cat sauntered back in and went straight to the toilet plunger, where she searched fruitlessly. I believe she stashed the mouse there.

But here’s the thing. The bathroom isn’t that far from the back door, which was open. Why didn’t the mouse run outside? It could have. It was in the bathroom by itself for a while.

What kind of threats does a cat tell a mouse to make it freeze where it’s been dropped and wait for death?

‘There are giants in this place. If they see or hear you, they’ll scream and STOMP you.’

‘If you think this is bad, wait until the DOGS see you. Better stay still and quiet.’

‘If you move I’m going to pounce. You may think I’m gone, but I’m not. Hold VERY still and you might live.’

Whatever the threat was, that poor mouse had a rough night. Caught by a cat. Found by humans. Caught by a dog. Sent flying by a human.

I like to think the mouse survived. After all, the neighbor’s yard is full of weeds. It could have had a soft landing. Maybe it just ended up soggy from being in the dog’s mouth. Maybe, right now, he’s telling his friends and family all about the crazy adventures that he survived purely because of his immense bravery and courage and ability to hold VERY still.

Of course they’ll think he’s bragging and not believe a word of it.

Unless they get close enough to an old dog to smell her breath.

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Mouse Breath

Shopping

An upcoming trip has forced me to buy new clothes. I headed ‘down below’ leaving narrow, twisty roads with no traffic and ending up on straight multi-lane freeways with bumper-to-bumper cars. I left trees for pavement, shade for hot direct sun, and little general stores for a mall. I left the few locals going about their day for crowds of people taking selfies.

For those who don’t know me, I hate shopping. It makes me grumpy. People overload, breathing in exhaust, too many things to choose between, too much stuff, too much money, all of it.

I especially detest clothes shopping.

So, there I was at the mercy of happy salesgirls. And as with all writers, the internal dialog was much more honest than the external.

‘Hi! How are you today!’

Leave me alone. ‘Fine, thanks.’

(I’m purposely using exclamation points instead of question marks because these girls are just so damn chipper.)

‘Can I help you find anything!’

If I want your help, I’ll ask. ‘No thanks.’

‘Great! Well, just so you know, we have these amazing ______ on sale today!’

Do I look like someone who would wear…I don’t even know what the heck that is. ‘Thanks.’

She used some phrase obviously meant to be a fashion statement that she assumed I’d know the meaning of. She was referring to these weird looking…pants I guess. Lacy, as wide as any bell-bottom pants I wore back in the 1970s. I thought at first it was a skirt. They were either a long skirt or too-short pants, coming a few inches above the ankle.

‘And we have a great sale on bras today that will make your girls happy!’

What girls? I’m alone. Then it dawns on me she means breasts. I have never referred to my breasts as girls. I just smile politely and continue pushing through hangers of weird pants.

Actually, a couple months ago I broke down and bought a new Viking breastplate at that store, after making my last one last several years. I think the bra will take my whole luggage weight limit of fifty pounds.

When I had a few things draped over my arm, she came back. ‘Shall I start a room for you, hon’!’

I’m not your ‘hon’. ‘I suppose.’

‘What’s your name, sweets! I’ll put it on a door for you!’

Well, it’s sure as hell not ‘sweets’.

And so it went. I restrained myself as much as possible, although a few remarks slid out anyway. Along the lines of, ‘no, I don’t want to apply for your store credit card, your company frankly sucks at customer service’.

But I survived, at the end sweaty, rumpled, cussing, and with a headache.

I hope those clothes last me until I take another big trip (which means years) because I refuse to do that torture again any time soon.

I headed home to sweet air and wind in the trees and happy dogs and a husband who’d made dinner.

And somehow, that weird pants/skirt thing made it into a bag and came home with me. I plan on taking it to work and showing them to the girls (actual girls, not breasts) so they can tell me what it is. I have a horrible feeling I bought something that’s supposed to be worn to bed rather than out in public.

Either way, the shopping is done for another decade.

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That’s her blurred guilty face as she just got caught with the cat’s food bowl.