How Solitude Fuels Creativity

My husband and I work at the same place, which means we are together all the time. We commute together, we have lunch together, we’re together on our days off. Tuesdays are the exception, when I work and he has the day off to himself. It’s wonderful. There isn’t anyone else I would want to be around every single day, round the clock. Plus, when I come home on Tuesdays, dinner is waiting.

The thing is, though, I run away occasionally. I take a week off and go visit a sister. We goof off for five days straight. It takes five hours for me to get to her house. That five hours is my alone time. My husband never gets that break, or any break long enough to reset.

I finally convinced him how important that is. The last few years, it’s become more important to me; possibly because I no longer take it for granted. So…he went. Took a week and a road trip and lined up things he wanted to do. I saw the opening and also took the week off, to stay.

He thinks he should do this every year. I agree.

Right now, the house is quiet except when I play music. It’s chilly and raining outside, which is my favorite weather, so I couldn’t have timed this better. I decided I would spend the time doing nothing but writing, which has been hard for many reasons.

The first day he was gone involved an internal battle. I could take advantage of this time to deep clean the house. I could clean the big wood box on the deck and fill it with firewood. I could focus on finishing some Christmas gifts. I was even desperate enough to consider washing bedding, flipping mattresses, and cleaning under the beds.

This time, though, I kept reminding myself of the ticking clock. I only had so many days alone. I had to be disciplined. As hard as it was, I did it. I won the battle with chores by emailing my friend, Susan, also a writer. I asked her how she was doing plotting a new mystery, and then told her I needed to be accountable to her, reporting in each day on what I’d written. She jumped on that, and has been reporting in on her progress as well. What a difference it makes.

Accountability is nothing new and I know I need it. The difference is, this time, I set it up beforehand, recognizing the dangerous temptation of household chores when you’re home alone and faced with a blank page.

I have discovered that the story has been there, waiting for me. I’ve spent two days closing loop holes, deleting boring parts, and gathering in the characters because they’ve spent a lot of time doing nothing but running around in the woods. With, you know, no accountability.

I have also discovered that while I thought I was doing very little writing over the past three years, I’ve actually done more than I thought. I’ve been working on the sequel to This Deep Panic and I can feel the ending near. Not to say it will be finished shortly. Only the first draft. The storylines will need to be pieced together, transition chapters between storylines and characters written, and the whole thing edited. And revised. And edited.

But the story is there and it’s taken nothing more than some alone time to realize it.

There is so much to be said for the healing of solitude. For how we need time in just our own company, even if we spend that time deep cleaning under beds. I know there are a lot of people who can’t be alone, and some of them are in my family. They have their own tools for finding what I find in solitude. But for me, quiet time is imperative.

For now, the sequel is tentatively titled Otherkin. Do you know what that word means?

People who identify as half human, half other. Someone who identifies as not human. Maybe part animal or part nature as in a tree. Or part mythical being. They are our ‘kin’ but not fully. I also take it mean those who are with us, but unseen. It’s a dysphoria that actually exists. Look it up; it’s fascinating.

In the meantime, I’m going back to writing now. The otherkin are drawing close.

Action vs. Soul

After getting quite the talking-to from my oldest sister last night, I decided to tackle another question. Several posts back I listed some that people felt were too hard to answer, and thought it might be easier to take them one at a time, answer them myself, and see if that primed the pump. Well, everyone’s right. These are hard.

So, can I say who I am, without saying what I do? I’m sure you’re all familiar with my point here. That every time you meet someone new, the first thing they want to know is what you do, as if that defines all that you are.

Okay, following the theme of the bawling out I got (that I am pondering, honestly), I will start by saying I’m probably closer to the thorn than the rose.

More rose than thorn

More rose than thorn

I’m someone more at peace around less.

I relate to trees more than to some relations.

It’s obviously tempting here to start listing things I like versus things I don’t. Things that make me happy, or sad, or mad. All of that is part of who I am, but they don’t take the question to a broader scene.

I am residual genetics filtered down through generations of Germans and Scots. I am descended from Montana pioneers. I could go on with history, but it makes me realize that I am trying to say who I am by saying where I came from, and that isn’t right either.

Cherry Creek with generations of family

Cherry Creek with generations of family

The labels I’ve talked about before start to surface: mom, writer, sister, wife, daughter…but those don’t say who I am. They only say what I am to others, and almost slide into defining self by what I do.

The easy way out right now is to simply write that I am the sum of all these things. That kind of feels like cheating. It also feels like a cliché and all writers hate clichés. Or should.

So whom am I? Someone who is loved. Someone who loves. Someone who also dislikes, and gets pissed, and cusses too much.

Oops. Slipping into defining by listing.

I am part of the earth, I gain balance from the places that feel like bone-deep parts of me: mountains, rivers, forests. I want to return to that earth some day, no coffin, no barriers, just part of the whole.

Dramatic sunset backdrop for dramatic words.

Dramatic sunset backdrop for dramatic words.

That sounds wonderful, but is rather dramatic. And there’s that pragmatic side of me that’s laughing at the dramatic side.

So who am I? I really have no idea. Someone who tried sandpaper to get rid of freckles so long ago that the majority of the people who remember that are gone. Someone who just realized those freckles have faded like those people.

Who are you? How do you define yourself? Please show me you would answer this.

‘Inside us there is something that has no name, that something is who we are.’ – Jose Saramago

 

Silverback Fir Cones

Silverback Fir Cones