There was a period in my life when I wanted badly to be religious. I attended church with friends. I attended a Bible study class. I tried writing religious articles for a local newspaper, which got good feedback but left me feeling like a fake. I read up on different denominations and different religions looking for the right one.
When I was little, Auntie, who was more like a grandmother, took us to church. If we were good, we got to sit in the chapel with her instead of going to the children’s classes. I worked hard at being quiet and sitting still so I could be in the grown-up chapel. I loved the smell there, of wood polish and musty books. I loved the songs where everyone knew the words. I loved the sermons, but more the sound of them, the cadence, than because of any understanding of the words. And of course, I loved dressing up and the grown-up clacking sound my shoes made on stone.
When I was a young adult, going to church with friends, I loved the Presbyterian church with its stained glass and simple pews, and it appealed to me because of my Scottish ancestry. I loved the simplicity as much as I loved attending a traditional Catholic mass. I learned that what I loved wasn’t religion but ritual.
But in spite of loving all those aspects, nothing resonated with me, no matter how much I tried. And then, during a Bible study, the teacher read the following verse from Isaiah 55:12. ‘…the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you and the trees of the field shall clap their hands’.
The sudden image of mountains singing and trees clapping their hands resonated. I could just feel the joy in the earth from those words.
My sister introduced me to poetry and Kahlil Gibran’s words ‘And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair’. There, again, words gave me a sense of kinship with the world around me.
Yet I thought I had failed because what I felt couldn’t be religion. I still don’t feel religious. Plus I’m too analytical/skeptical. It’s weird to try and reconcile skepticism with belief.
There’s a difference between religion and spirituality though. One is defined as a specific set of organized beliefs and practices and one is defined as not having those specific organized beliefs. And who knew? There’s even an acronym. SBNR. Spiritual But Not Religious. While I’m not sure that’s me, either, it seems a little closer. Maybe. On the days I can quiet my skeptical thoughts.
I’m proud of my friends who believe with passion and who live their lives according to those beliefs. I love that the practice of religion gives them peace. But I don’t aspire to be that anymore, and I no longer feel like I’ve failed some far-distant male God by not believing, or that I’ve let down my friends.
What I do aspire to is that some day, when I am out in the woods, with my feet on loamy soil and wind in my hair and rain on my face, I will hear the mountains singing and the trees clapping their hands in joy. I will feel the ancient energy of stones and see dreams in clouds and feel the heartbeat of earth under my feet.
That will be my religion and my spirituality.
Lisa Stowe - The Story River Blog 
Nice piece, it spoke to me deeply
I started to reply to this yesterday but my reply turned into the start of a poem
I wish it was done so I could post it now
Thank you for the unintentional inspiration Lisa!
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Let me know when the poem is done. I would love to see it.
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With you in spirit, Lisa! Substitute our Hindu gods for your Christian ones, and my story is the same as yours. We live the trappings of religion, the colour and the music. And we are taught that if we are good, we will believe. And now life has taught us otherwise – and it takes courage to break out of the conditioning. Thankfully, our love of nature gives us connection.
I’m very happy to read your post because I had posted a poem about my experience a few months ago. I took it down within two days because my readers didn’t get it. They thought I was being negative. But not believing is not negativity, it’s in fact an opening up of barriers.
I wish you joy of the forests and mountains and winds!
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I’m sorry readers didn’t get your poem, and sorry I missed it on your blog. And you are so right about not believing being different from negativity. A friend tied ‘reverence’ to ‘ritual’ when responding to this blog post, and I think that is something that is easily missed in most rituals. Reverence is something I find more when I’m out in the woods, than when I am in the ‘trappings of religion’ as you so aptly describe. I’m an interesting mix though – the more analytical side of my brain wants to be atheist and the pagan side of my brain argues that constantly.
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You don’t have to be an atheist – as Buddha seemed to indicate, it is irrelevant whether there is a God. No one can say for sure if there is or not, and we will never know. So why waste our emotional energy praying, denying or disputing? We know we are children of Nature and that is all we can know, and it is enough.
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I think I need to frame this and hang it on the wall. As you say, it is enough.
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Thank you, it is lovely to exchange views with people on the same wave length 🤗
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Lovely post. I believe various religious systems are like cultural telephone systems – a culture attempts to convey the spiritual and codify it to pass it along. But as one matures and evolves, the cultural trappings become unnecessary. One can go straight to the spiritual source, which is ultimately universal, and probably most basic in nature.
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This is exactly what I needed to hear! My husband always says that organized religion was society’s attempt at creating a moral code.
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Wow, Lisa, your journey of self-discovery is so beautifully articulated! I love how you’ve captured the essence of spirituality beyond the confines of organized religion. The imagery of mountains singing and trees clapping hands is simply breathtaking! It’s inspiring how you’ve embraced your own path without feeling the need to fit into a mold. Thank you for sharing such a raw and relatable perspective. Looking forward to more of your thought-provoking posts!
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We’re in the middle of a windstorm and wow, the trees are clapping their hands right now! I love it. Thank you for your kind words.
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