Illusions of Safety

I remember a windstorm a few years ago. In the mountains you can hear the wind coming from far away, roaring up the canyons. You feel the tension, the stillness of waiting, knowing you can’t stop it. You watch the huge evergreens around you and how the tops start to sway. The wind is up high still, but that roar. It’s coming. The trees start to bend and then to whip.

I remember sending thoughts out to fir and cedar and hemlock. Hang on. Dig your roots in and hang on. Most did.

Have you ever taken a stick and bent it over your knee, snapping it in two? Remember that sound, that dry crack? Now imagine that sound magnified, deepened into something you feel through your feet touching the earth. Give that sound the background of the wind screaming past you. Follow that bone-deep snap with something like thunder right over your head.

That was a cedar tree coming down, unable to hang on. Taking its sister tree with it. Pulling a couple younger hemlock trees down, too.

No matter what nature sends us, our homes give us the illusion of safety. If you live where we do, you can close your door, maybe lock it, and all that could be dangerous is out in the wild. Bears. Cougars. Snow. Wind. Even the deep dark of a forest night. We feel secure hearing the rain pound down on the roof, as we sit next to the wood stove and hot fire. Maybe the tea kettle simmering gently over the flames. We tuck down under the thick pile of blankets, as ice forms on the river and water thickens until it no longer moves. We feel safe.

But really, in the mountains, there is always the chance of earthquakes. Whitewater rivers that sweep homes away. Landslides. Boulders bigger than your house catapulting down. Trees that can’t hang on.

Morning Star climbing route

Morning Star climbing route

In northeastern Montana, the illusion of safety comes from the high mesas. The openness. No trees to hit the house. No mountains to crumble down on top of you. But there, winters can hit minus sixty. Cold so deep you can’t breathe or even open your eyes. There, on those broad fields of wheat, tornadoes touch down and lift away all they touch. And yet we climb down into the cellars, close the door, and feel safe.

Montana storm

Montana storm

No matter where you live there is the illusion of safety. Either in your home, or in your car, or in your cardboard box under the highway overpass. We pull our jacket collars up, we tuck our hands under armpits, and we lock those doors against burglars. We roll up car windows. We clutch cell phones with a finger on speed dial.

But all those things that make us feel safe and in control are transitory. We go through our lives busy with daily routines, never paying attention to just how not safe we are until the news tells us to board up windows or move to high ground. And even then most people think, ‘I can drive that road without four wheel drive’ or ‘I can pass that idiot driver before that car gets too close’. It boils down to the ego of ‘it won’t happen to me’.

Driving home

Driving home

We never live our lives as if we’re not safe. As if, in a moment, we could be gone. We take things for granted. We tell ourselves to remember to call that friend. Say, ‘we really need to get together one of these days’. Hang up the phone before we remember to tell our son we love him, or to tell someone far away they are missed.

In our safety we are full of good intentions. Until it’s too late and then we are full of regret.

It’s in our nature to feel safe. To procrastinate doing those things or simply forget in the daily bustle. Don’t prepare or stock up because the store will be open tomorrow. Don’t learn how to grow or can or hunt or fish because the freezer will always run. Just huddle close to the fire that keeps shadows behind us.

Those good intentions are so strong.

Tomorrow.

I’ll do it tomorrow.

What makes you feel safe? And, are you, really?

What things are you putting off? Why? And which is more important – what you put off, or the reason why?

Get out there and live with no regrets.

Young climbers headed for Morning Star

Young climbers headed for Morning Star

Cover Art

I’m not an artist, in spite of my brother once telling me I painted with words. That was the kind way of saying that attempts at drawing sucked. I even bought a book on how to draw with pencil. I mean, if I can write with a pencil surely I could draw with one. Right? That ended up being an excuse to buy some nice pencils and cool leather-bound books with parchment to hold all the drawings. Nothing was unrecognizable. And I followed the directions!

Added to the lack of drawing ability, I also am terrible at colors. No clue what goes together. When it was time to paint our house the only reason it came out good is that I got one of those little paint booklets that tell you what colors to put together. Since our house was built in 1928 I went with the ‘Historic Collection’.

With that background, you’ll understand my frustration with book covers. I have a wonderful cover artist, but she can’t read minds, unfortunately. For the upcoming Ghost Roads, I knew I wanted to hint at the mystery, I knew I wanted to tell a story, and I knew I wanted something to grab the eye. Using story elements from the book, I asked the cover artist to put a forest service road going up into woods that were on fire, with a skull or bones in the road, and a feminine shadow overlying the bones.

The theory was good.

I got the rough draft last week. I loved the way she did the fire. Everything else? Not so much. And it’s taking me a long time to figure out why, so I can tell the artist and not waste her time. I doubt she’ll appreciate things like ‘Oh, I don’t know. Something’s not quite right.’ Or ‘Could you maybe start all over?’ Or even, ‘You did what I asked for but now I don’t want it anymore’.

To avoid being fired by my cover artist, I have struggled to figure out what I don’t like about the artwork. And I’ve come up with this.

A cover should be a short story, not a novel.

I believe I’ve put too many elements into the cover. As my editor, author Susan Schreyer said, the eye doesn’t know where to look. As my publicist who’s building my website said, ‘Hey, a Nancy Drew!’ And trust me, he wasn’t saying that in a complimentary fashion. He was laughing pretty hard, actually.

I also wasn’t wild about the fonts used. My publicist thought, ‘Nancy Drew’. I went more with ‘Scooby Doo’.

I’ve responded finally to the cover artist, who was getting worried by the internet silence. After she has done all this work doing exactly what I asked for, I’m now asking her to shift it all around and remove some elements.

The thing is, I still don’t know if what I’m asking for is the right thing. After all, my idea of painting is paint-by-number. Or tracing. I can trace.

Anyway, the changes should hopefully be a short story and we’ll see how version two goes. Oh, and I did offer to pay her more since I’m being a problem customer.

What are your thoughts?

First attempt at Ghost Roads cover.

First attempt at Ghost Roads cover.

The Big ‘Why’?

Typically I have no problems coming up with story ideas. And typically the question ‘what if’ sends me gleefully off to the writing space.

With book three waiting only on cover art, two manuscripts that need heavy revising, a stand-alone story just starting the first draft process, and a current editing job, I am busy with words. Yet I need to start book four and this time I only have a glimmer of an idea, which is a first for me. Another first is that I’ve tried out some ideas, floating them to my editor and friend, author Susan Schreyer, who has very kindly given me feedback. Most aren’t going to work. I’m not surprised because even as I was telling her my ideas I felt no bubble of excitement. You know, that urge to rush gleefully to your writing space. Instead I shuffle around and look for dirty laundry, dirty dishes, or as an extreme last resort, dust bunnies.

You know how it is when you try too hard to pin an idea down, and it squirts out from under the pin and jets away? That’s how this current idea is acting. And instead of the ‘what if’ question that has always, in the past, spurred me on, I’m finding the following word taking up a lot of space in the writing brain.

Why?

I’m trying to figure out why someone would deface or vandalize a memorial to a group of miners who died in a mine fire. I’m looking for a deeply personal reason that will tie past to present, and goes beyond the simple act of protesting what either the memorial stands for or the mining business.

If I can figure out who would do that act, I’ll have my reason. But then I pause and think, well, if I have the reason then I’ll have the character. I’m currently stuck in the loop – if I find out this then I’ll have that, but I need that to find out this.

Probably what needs to happen is that I stop talking, stop worrying, work on the other writing projects, and let this idea ‘daydream’ its way through my subconscious. A walk in the woods, where I can just let thoughts go and let that inner writer wander as well, will also help.

In the meantime though, I’m wondering, why?

The following photo, from wikicommons, is of the Sunshine Memorial, near Kellogg, Idaho. The miner is surrounded by ninety-one miniature headstones, each with the name of a miner who died in the mining disaster of 1972. I was down in the Sunshine mine just a few years after this fire and have a healthy respect for anyone who can do that job.

A Sunshine miner

A Sunshine miner