From a Mother

/ Lisa

There has been such an overwhelming response to my earlier post about grieving, and so many kind comments. Buried in those comments are the words of a grieving mother. Rather than leaving her there, unseen, I wanted to share with all of you what I hope others need to hear. Please pause for a moment and listen to my dearest friend and Sam’s mother.

‘For the past month I have been feeling the anxiety building as the first anniversary of Sam’s death approaches. I cry more easily. I imagine his death with a depth that makes me uncomfortable. I find that all of the ways I have carefully kept myself insulated from the deepest pain associated with his death are less effective now, this too seems part of the process of accepting that he is well and truly gone from the world.

His spirit has been a strongly motivating force this past year. I have pondered my reason for being, made drastic life changes (one of those things that you’re not supposed to do, sorry but it’s been really good for me, I am financially poorer but richer in all other ways) and am trying hard to leave some good in my neck of the world.

I have also been making some art, which is far more therapeutic than I ever knew. I’m carving lino blocks for printmaking, most recently one with his kayak, one that says ‘for Sam’ which I will put under the other blocks I have made that say ‘shine’ and ‘love’.

I made some prayer flags and will block print them and those who attend the one year anniversary get together can write messages and then the flags will hang around his kayak. His dad and I have plans to go to the rapids where he died and hang some there as well. It’s a difficult place to get to, by land, by water and also emotionally.

I thank you so much Lisa for continuing the conversation about the grief associated with his death. For saying his name, for not letting this whole thing slip into the past. My biggest fear is the erasure of time and as long as I live I have to keep him here close by.’

As she says here, we say his name lest we forget. We say his name in order to allow others to grieve with us. For all of those grieving, never be afraid to speak their names, or to speak up about what you need as you grieve. There are many on that path with you who will understand.

11 thoughts on “From a Mother”

  1. Deeply touching words I wish no one ever had to write. Art therapy is amazing and I hope she continues with it and possibly shares it with the world. I know I would love to see her heartfelt creations.

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  2. As a mother that lost her son over 33 years ago, I know the most important thing anyone can do for someone grieving is to acknowledge their life be it long or short by talking about them, remembering the things they did and allowing the person grieving the opportunity to share their grief. In remembering them, we keep their love with us throughout our lives and that is what truly matters; knowing we were loved by someone so very special to us.

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    • thank you. I am always heartened to hear stories about my son, I also realize when I hear them that the teller is experiencing grief as well and we are sharing that unique pain and I believe that it makes our bond stronger

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  4. I recently attended a memorial for my late father and others who passed away at our local hospital for that very reason, to hear his name…thank you for sharing Sam’s mother’s beautiful words!

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